InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I'd like to buy a vowel."

luke_lawliet (luke_lawliet) wrote,
@ 2008-07-05 19:05:00

Entry tags:

l kain blythe private light

Entry #D-8: "Defender"

[audio recording]

I can only tell her the truth... but for some reason, I'm falling away from the state of Nirvana I had the last time I saw Blythe. Maybe it's the approach of the first trial, simply creating a sense of urgency that allows for nothing else to penetrate my thoughts. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I've allowed myself to become resigned to allowing Light to jerk me around the way he has been. And maybe the thought of being brave enough to continue as we are, with people plotting her death or ours, is highly daunting.

Beautiful words evade me for the moment.

I'm not sick, that I know of. I'm not injured, except for the bruises from this morning's sparring match with Kain. I don't think that I'm depressed. I haven't lost my appetite, though I have to remind myself to eat these days, and I have the same amount of energy... have I worn myself out with worrying, and become apathetic through default?

No. Apathetic is not the right word. I love Blythe more than ever. I honestly think that we have a future, she and I.

Maybe I've been thinking about what Light said. It's true that if she goes back to her world and I go back to mine, we'll never see each other again. There is no future, in a situation like that. At least not for me...

Maybe, also, I've been thinking about becoming truly intimate with Blythe. With her consent, of course... but I don't want to hurt her. I want her always to see me as someone incapable of hurting her... she is innocent, in ways I wish I still was. But I don't want her to see me as weak... I doubt that I can have it both ways. But I'd rather Blythe see me as weak than run from me, damaged and scarred. I'd be no better than Light at his worst.

Maybe there's a violin, somewhere in Asgard. I could use a few scales, maybe some Sarasate... things aren't as they should be, in any place except where they are in danger... Blythe and I are in danger. Especially Blythe, because her death would cause me far more agony than my own.

I am so. Stiff. And. Sore.

Training with Kain isn't fun and games, that's for sure.

(Post a new comment)

	mello_keehl 2008-07-05 11:39 pm UTC (link)
	Fwah, I don't give a flying fuck about how you FEEL. Where's the good stuff!? The stuff you made unhackable? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	luke_lawliet 2008-07-05 11:55 pm UTC (link)
	[audio recording] THAT is unhackable for a reason. I don't want you to read it, Mello. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	mello_keehl 2008-07-06 02:10 am UTC (link)
	FUCKYOOOOOOU! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	luke_lawliet 2008-07-06 02:35 am UTC (link)
	Fuck you, too, Mello. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	blind_oracle 2008-07-06 12:27 am UTC (link)
	Would you like a massage, Ryuzaki? Or some antidote to relieve the soreness? Some tea, perhaps? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	luke_lawliet 2008-07-06 01:24 am UTC (link)
	[audio recording] Yes, please. To all three. I don't deserve you, Blythe. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	blind_oracle 2008-07-06 01:37 am UTC (link)
	Very well, I shall bring them and myself to your room shortly. The feeling is mutual, my dear. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	luke_lawliet 2008-07-06 01:41 am UTC (link)
	[audio recording] Thank you. I honestly don't know what to say... you've actually overwhelmed me with your kindness, for the moment, Blythe. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	blind_oracle 2008-07-06 01:59 am UTC (link)
	I suppose it was time you knew how I felt most every time I'm around you. Speechlessness becomes commonplace for me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	luke_lawliet 2008-07-06 02:03 am UTC (link)
	[audio recording] soft laughter That's a real problem, Blythe, because I love hearing you talk. I'll wait patiently for you to come, of course, but time will drag horribly every second you're not here. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	blind_oracle 2008-07-06 02:31 am UTC (link)
	As it shall for me, as well! The tea is almost finished; I am nearly on my way. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	luke_lawliet 2008-07-06 02:33 am UTC (link)
	[audio recording] You're the closest thing I've seen yet to an angel... An angel is the second closest thing, after you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	blind_oracle 2008-07-06 03:08 am UTC (link)
	I might as well give you my very tongue, as it is currently paralyzed. Ah! The tea is done. I am coming. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	luke_lawliet 2008-07-06 04:03 pm UTC (link)
	[audio recording] No, no! Keep your pretty tongue... I'll wait patiently. Thank you, again. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	1st_lord 2008-07-06 02:06 am UTC (link)
	Training? Interesting. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	luke_lawliet 2008-07-06 02:19 am UTC (link)
	[audio recording] Yes. Very. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	1st_lord 2008-07-06 02:25 am UTC (link)
	How unfortunate for you that it won't be useful during the trials. Tell me, how does it feel to have so many problems at once? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	luke_lawliet 2008-07-06 02:28 am UTC (link)
	[audio recording] We'll see. I'm presuming nothing, as that would only be a fool's error. Umm... I wouldn't know. Everything's great. Though I suppose it might feel like... a party in my mouth? You're really asking the wrong guy. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	my_private_life 2008-07-06 05:46 am UTC (link)
	Heh, yeah it's tough when you're not too used to lots of physical activity and then.... You're suddenly physically active. Hot showers help. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	luke_lawliet 2008-07-06 04:18 pm UTC (link)
	[audio recording] Isn't that the truth? Thanks for the advice. I think I'll take a hot shower this evening. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	my_private_life 2008-07-07 01:10 am UTC (link)
	Yeah. I... remember the first time I ended up thrown into having to... do stuff like that. I never thought my muscles would recover. But hot water before bed can make a big difference. And, uh, I think rubbing ginger on sore muscles....? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	luke_lawliet 2008-07-07 06:48 pm UTC (link)
	[audio recording] Ginger? OK. I'll ask Blythe about that. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	holylance 2008-07-07 07:44 pm UTC (link)
	You'll get used to it eventually. Nobody said it'd be easy. (Reply to this)